Seperation
by Aqua-lily6
Summary: Pellinor monologues, based loosely on SnowPatrols song 'Set The Fire To the Third Bar'. hints at possible Mearad/Cadvan. ONESHOT. Didnt quite end up how I expected so please leave some comments and tell me what you think.


I find the map and draw a straight line

**Separation**

_**This is a One Shot idea I had when I was listening to 'Set the Fire to the Third Bar' by Snow-Patrol. It's based mostly after Cadvan and Maerad are separated and Maerad believes him to be dead. I sadly do not own the characters or the song. R&R people…**_

'_I find the map and draw a straight line,  
Over rivers, farms, and state line,_

_The distance from 'A' to where you'd be'_

Cadvan: "I turned and looked back unable to do anything. The rocks were falling faster and Darsor wouldn't turn back. The fear in your eyes was terrible; the hopelessness and the loss shining out, begging me to come back to you. But I couldn't. All that lies between us is rock. I feel like I could reach out and touch you but I cannot. This passage Darsor found must lead somewhere and I shall find you Maerad, I shall! I know you are alright out there. I shall not give in the voice in my head that says you are de…gone. You are too strong to be gone. I know you will keep going and not even think of giving up. I believe in you Maerad and I will never stop searching for you, even if it takes ten mid-winters, I will not give up. We will be together again I promise."  
_  
'It's only finger-lengths that I see  
I touch the place where I'd find your face_

_My finger in creases of distant dark places'  
_

Maerad:"I miss you Cadvan, more than anyone else I miss you. Maybe it's because I know there will never be a chance to see you again, the chance to seek forgiveness has past. Why did I say those horrible things? I realise now, now that it is too late, that I was never alone because despite the mistakes I made, you always stood by me. You could have left when I murdered Ilar of Lirigon but you didn't. You stayed with me, a fugitive of your own home. What would you think of me now? Sat in this cold prison wishing my life away? At least we used to be able to play together, but now even if you were here we couldn't. You are de…gone and I am crippled. I have lost my closest friend and I have not even got the sanctuary of my music to hide in. why try to escape this frozen land when I have nothing to fight for anymore?"

_  
I hang my coat up in the first bar  
There is no peace that I've found so far  
The laughter penetrates my silence  
As drunken men find flaws in science  
Their words mostly noises_

Cadvan: "Where are you Maerad? Six weeks it's been and you should be back by now. I dread to think of all the things that could have befallen you; the cold alone is terrible despite the risk you name attracts. Sirkana told me yesterday that she foresaw Dharin's death on your journey, but she saw nothing of you. Oh Maerad, just please come back to me. I would give anything at all to see you come through the gates right now. Our argument seems so long ago and the reasons more petty as the days pass and as each one goes by, I worry more about you. Do you even know that I am alive? Is that why you don't return, because you feel guilty about everything you said and can't face the fact that now I am 'dead', you will never have a chance of forgiveness? But of course I forgive you. I have done terrible things as well and now I feel that having caused so much pain and felt so much loss, that if you do not return then I will have nothing to live for at all."

_Ghosts with just voices  
Your words in my memory  
Are like music to me  
_

Maerad: "I dreamt of you again last night even though I know you are gone. I cannot let go of you so your ghost haunts me, your spirit still guiding me even as you wait to pass through the gate. Everything you ever said to me swirls around in my head getting mixed together so that it barely makes sense. I fear if I stay here I will go mad. The Winterking tightens his grip on me every day but my memories of you and the magic of my lyre are helping me fight back. Maybe soon I will be able to escape this frozen prison and achieve the goal you set me. My only regret is that you will never know how much I truly love and long for you to be here to help me through the trials ahead. I wish I had a chance to be with you again."

_And miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
I, I pray that something picks me up  
And sets me down in your warm arms  
_

Cadvan: "Midwinter's Eve. I said I would never give up searching and I haven't Ardina came to me and gave me the glimmer of hope that I now hold desperately onto. 'If all goes well, seek the Lily at her birth place on Midwinter's Day,' and so I sit here in the ruins of Pellinor waiting, perhaps with a fools hope, that tomorrow you will arrive. But what if all does not go well? I know I shouldn't be thinking it; but Ardina didn't say what to do. Where do I look next? I do not know what I am to do. As I lay here now, the cold ground beneath me, I wish you were here with me; to see your face across the fire, to hear your laugh or simply to hold you again in my arms. I promise this time that I shall not let you go. If you do not come tomorrow, I know my heart will break but there is still some deep Knowing telling me to believe that tomorrow we will be together again.

_  
After I have travelled so far  
We'd set the fire to the third bar  
We'd share each other like an island  
Until exhausted, close our eyelids_

Maerad: Midwinter's Eve. I remember last year, sat alone in the Cot whilst everyone around me celebrated. A year ago, I had no chance of a future until Cadvan saved me. He saved me from so much; I doubt I would be alive where ever I am if it had not been for him. He made me the person I am now. How could I have been so naïve to think I had nothing left? Hem needs me for a start; we have been parted too long and I must find him. Silvia; she is like a mother to me. How could I even consider leaving her to fight the darkness without me? Cadvan; he taught me to fight for my freedom and that is what I am doing, fighting for the freedom of everyone. Leaving Arkan nearly broke my heart but I must do the right thing and defeat the Darkness. If I stayed, the light would have been without hope and I cannot abandon all that Cadvan fought for. If only you were here now Cadvan…that I could see you again…

_And dreaming, pick up from  
The last place we left off_

_Your soft skin is weeping  
A joy you can't keep in  
_

Cadvan: She is alive! Despite the dagger digging into my heart telling me not to hope, she came back to me. Holding her again in my arms was like a dream; a dream I barely thought would ever happen. Despite all odds she is here. A WOLF! She turned up as a wolf. I thought that I might kill her myself for causing me so much pain and I nearly did. She bounded towards me and my sword nearly struck her. If it had of, I would never have been able to forgive myself. Oh, but holding her in my arms, how could I not forgive her. I have never been so simply happy in my whole life. And she found the Tree-Song. I am pleased, although thinking back to when she accused me of using her as a tool of the Light; I remember the pain that I felt. But seeing the pain in her eyes at the memory also, I cannot help but forgive her because she has been through so much. She thought I was dead. That pain alone is far worse than anything she could possibly have said to me. Finally, we are together again and I vow never to be parted from her again.

Maerad: He is alive. After all the time believing him to be dead, he is alive. I am too happy to sleep. I cannot take my eyes off his face. A face I thought I would never see again. He is alive. Sleeping a few feet away from me is a living dead man. I run over the rock fall again and again in my head, trying to see the tunnel in the darkness. Trying to make sense of the story he has told me. I thought I would never be able to hold him again, but I have and shall do everyday from now on just to make sure that this isn't a dream because that is what it feels like. If this is a dream then I never want to wake up. We are together again at last against all the odds. Annar is a huge land to search for two tiny people but now I am with Cadvan again, anything is possible. Soon we will be reunited with Hem and Saliman and we shall over through the Darkness together.

**I really hope you enjoyed reading this. Please don't forget to leave me some reviews. This is still only my second Pellinor post so please, nothing to harsh. xx**


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